Marketing Humor Gifts

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

Looks like another profit's warning

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'