Funny Marketer Gifts

Of course it's real spring water. I got it out of this hose last April!

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"That's our new church mascot."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

Floss Street Vendor

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

Cold caller.

'But what do you sell?'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

Doomsday marketing

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'Now there goes a good Salesman...!'

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

Marv's Preowned Vehicles...That new car smell can kill you! - Buy Used!

'Sure, our expertise keeps ‘em here, but Mom's cookies get them through the door!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"Can you believe they're watching the same back-to-school ad?"

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'