Promotion Humor Gifts

'Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your sudden promotion.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'How fast can you hype?'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Job complaints on road signs.

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'I've been made junior partner.'

"You'll get an office, a pay increase and a set of bad nicknames from your colleagues."

C'mon, Bob, the associate chases the manager's tail, the manager chases the VP's tail, and the VP chases my tail for me – You know how this works.

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."

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