Advertisement Satire Gifts

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Death Boss

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

Perfection Troubleshootors.

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Cold caller.

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'Corporate Sydney'

"It's a letter from my boss. He says he's not paying me for the time I've been stranded on this island."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

Puppet workers.

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

The serious corporation

'Of course you've got a say in this firm! For example 'Yes, sir!', 'You're right, sir!', 'Aye Aye, sir!' or 'As you like it, sir!'