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Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

Death Boss

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

'Corporate Sydney'

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Perfection Troubleshootors.

'Gurkenman! The fact that you've got a height-adjustable desk does not mean that you've been promoted into a higher position!'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

Cold caller.

"It's a letter from my boss. He says he's not paying me for the time I've been stranded on this island."

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

"I wanted a balloon puppy, not a balloon vision of my sad corporate future."