Retail Humorist Gifts

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'I told you it would be crazy on Saturday!' - The First Christmas

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

"....and believe you me, we can sure use the money!"

'Next smile please!'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

"Tell Maureen it's time to employ the taser."

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

Harvey Nichols. Harvey Marias

"Your job is to refill the shelves, update the price labels and to generally get in the way of the customers."

"I preferred their old look."

Service With A Smile.

'If it's not on the shelf - we don't have it!'

Saks Fourth Avenue: Moving Sale!

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Do you have a shoe for roaming and prowling?'

'... eventually, I sold her the pair that she was wearing when she came in!'

'I love the new price stickers with the larger barcodes...although it might be getting out of hand.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"What's 'Costco'?"

Seven deadly sins store

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'