Retail Humor Gifts

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

A woman emptying trash into a shoe shop sign

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'It's for liability reasons.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Seven deadly sins store

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

The 29p Shop

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Do you have the time? We need to be home before Christmas shopping season ends."

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Robbers, burglars and shoplifters welcome! Our employees are trained to cooperate with you!

'That's eleven..!!' ( 10 items or less counter ).

Pop-up shop...

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"It's all business-to-business. We need some retail outlets."

'Sorry. In the time it took you to get out your credit card the price of smokes went up another 30 cents.'