Retail Humor Gifts

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

A woman emptying trash into a shoe shop sign

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

Do you think Santa will be making a stop at Tiffany & Company tonight, Lance? Sorry to disappoint you, Gloria, but I spotted Santa's sleigh in the parking lot of Kmart & Company earlier.

'It's for liability reasons.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'SALE! One Million Dollars Per Bike!!' by saying, 'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Seven deadly sins store

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"Do you have the time? We need to be home before Christmas shopping season ends."

Wal-Mart Bank of Canada.

The 29p Shop

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

Robbers, burglars and shoplifters welcome! Our employees are trained to cooperate with you!

Pop-up shop...

'That's eleven..!!' ( 10 items or less counter ).

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."