Retail Humor Fan Gifts

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

"Second door on your left, just past the beef jerky..." "The spy who came in from the cold to use the bathroom"

"If the sale was LAST week why still advertise it?"

'Akme sales' 'out for a spiel'

Pop-up shop...

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

Seven deadly sins store

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Man asking why the lamp in the picture doesn't come with the bicycle

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

'Don't be ridiculous, Schaumberg! -- They didn't have Burma-Shave back then!'

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

"Do you have the time? We need to be home before Christmas shopping season ends."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

The 29p Shop

The eskimo lottery...

'If anyone calls, I've gone to look for Wally.'

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

"I'm thinking of becoming a personal shopper." "What's that?" "It's where you buy things for people who are too busy to go shopping themselves." "I mean, I love to shop. I love it more than almost anything." "They say if you love your work, you never 'work' a day in your life." "To each his own, I guess." "I love everything about shopping. From the seductive 'OPEN' sign, to the supple checkout lines."

"You got hiking boot in 58?"