Retail Therapy Humorist Gifts

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"And now a reading from the catalogs of Saint Paul."

Customer Avoidance Dept.

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

Cut Price

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'She's so put together!'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"I shop, therefore I am."

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.