Therapy Humorists Gifts

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'Whoa I never said I had ED. I said I had reptile dysfunction.'

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

'So tell me, what is it about your life that isn't making sense to you.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

Cod Psychologists.

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

"You're completely screwed up."

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

'Burke's Peerage keeps spelling my name wrong!'

'It's not easy being green.'

"I provided the comic relief and said all the right things like 'Yee haw!' And 'You got that right, boss!' . . . But he ditched me anyway!"

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."