Therapy Session Humorist Gifts

'I told him he never should have bought that two-sided watch.'

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

'I keep thinking I'm a Big Mac with fries...'

"Not every dream is about you, Mom."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'Not much of a support group are they.'

'Yes, I do believe in the finicky gene.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Computer help.

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."