Therapy Session Humorist Gifts

'I told him he never should have bought that two-sided watch.'

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

'I keep thinking I'm a Big Mac with fries...'

"Not every dream is about you, Mom."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

Cat Therapy. Just when we make a little progress, they bolt to another room for no reason.

Let's try some word disassociation

Why are you constantly asking to approach the bench? My psychiatrist says I suffer from gavel envy.

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'Not much of a support group are they.'

'Yes, I do believe in the finicky gene.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'