Therapy Session Humorists Gifts

'I feel like everyone's out to get me.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"How long have I had what problem?"

Computer help.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'