Therapy Session Humor Gifts

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'I don't feel I stand out in a crowd anymore.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"No heroic measures."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."