Therapist Humor Gifts

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Computer help.

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?