Therapeutic Humor Gifts

Attention Span therapy Center: 'Are we done yet?'

Anger management therapy for volcanoes.

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

Patients competition.

A swan?! Let's face it - I am just an ugly duckling!

"You don't need a second opinion. I told MY therapist all about you and she agrees you're nuts!"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"How long have I had what problem?"

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

Computer help.

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

I think I have a gilt complex.