Therapy Humor Gifts

"My boyfriend is insanely jealous. He does nothing all day but watch cartoons and plot revenge on any other men I talk to."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

"Surely you can tell me your secret identity."

"I'm sensing big crybaby."

"I have very few things in life to worry about. . . and that is making me worried."

GRP is GROPE, not group, therapy.

"Tell me about your problem drinking."

Dinosaurs Anonymous

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I think that's your reptile brain speaking, Cynthia!"

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'So tell me, Doc...am I cracked or not?'

'Hate is a pretty strong word. Are you sure you're not just lactose intolerant of your mother?'

The Inner Tube.

'I'm tired of supporting a bunch of nut cases.'

"I'm sorry, but you're not the patient your father was."

'I'm worried about your obsession with horse racing.'

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

"This feel like a real breakthrough, Dr. Perlman."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."