Funny Therapy Moments Gifts

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jiddury? Social anxiety. That's what Google says it is, anyway. But Google's no doctor. I thought it'd be better to get the opinion of a professional. I see, well, why don't we start the diagnosis by having you hang up your phone, get out of your car and come inside? No, that's ok. I'm good here. You have a lovely parking lot. I've got donuts in here. No, that's ok, I'm good. I've got cracker crumbs on the floor.

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"No heroic measures."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

Mathematician on the couch.

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

Why don't we just talk first before we resort to that.