Therapy Session Jokester Gifts

'You seem much better since they upped my medication.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"No heroic measures."

Let's try some word disassociation

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

Why don't we just talk first before we resort to that.

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

Psychobabble.