Therapy Session Jokester Pillows

'You seem much better since they upped my medication.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"No heroic measures."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

Psychobabble.

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"I guess I'll never understand women."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'