Therapy Session Joker Pillows

"Now be honest with me, Miss LaRue, you like people staring at you,don't you?"

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

Psychobabble.

'Have you tried a combination of hard drugs and loose women'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Long-legged clown...

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

Let's try some word disassociation

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"I'm not finished exercising. I still have a couple of laps to go."

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

Anger Management Class: Gone berserk, back in one hour.

Cat Therapy. Just when we make a little progress, they bolt to another room for no reason.

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

HELP!!! Speaking as a professional psychiatrist, I believe I'm detecting a cry for help.

'I don't feel I stand out in a crowd anymore.'

"This year I'm getting in shape."

"Not every dream is about you, Mom."

Al, those look like crocodile tears to me. I'll have you know that crocodiles have feelings too, Dr. Kapuchnik.

"Do I come here often?"

'Not much of a support group are they.'

Why are you constantly asking to approach the bench? My psychiatrist says I suffer from gavel envy.

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

"Are you blushing?!"

'I could kill for a good cup of coffee now.'