Therapy Session Comedian Pillows

"Are you blushing?!"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Computer help.

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'