Therapy Session Comedian Pillows

"Are you blushing?!"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Computer help.

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"How long have I had what problem?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?