Therapy Humorist Gifts

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"He knows if you've been bad or good, but don't worry. Privacy rules prevent him from discussing individual cases or situations."

Speech Therapy.

"And only you can hear this whistle?"

'In the interest of full disclosure, I should inform you that I define an hour as 40 minutes.'

'I really can't talk about my childhood. Before I left home, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Obsessive compulsive, anxious, paranoid and mildly psychotic... but enough about me, let's talk about you!'

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

'This is going to be the best day ever!'

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

"No cause for alarm Luv, that's my basket sales!"

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."

'Is anal retentive hyphenated?'

"You're suffering from what we call, Well-Adjusted-Boring-Personality-Disorder."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'I'm sure I paid you in advance, didn't I?'

Attention Span therapy Center: 'Are we done yet?'

The Unpublished Freud

"You're stuck again. Your ego is getting in the way of your recovery."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

'You have a very bad case of transference.'

'Your name is Bennett? Sorry. This is Gene therapy.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

Fairy God Mothers Anonymous - "I've just been too much of a people pleaser."

Turtle to counselor: 'If you don't mind I won't lay on my back.'

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Nobody understands you!!? Nobody understands you!!...do you blame them!?"

"Well, right now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'I'm sick and tired of being kicked around.'

'It looks like our time is up.'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Maybe you should ask yourself why you're inviting all this duck hunting into your life right now."

"I know it's tempting but please don't pigeonhole me."