Humor Therapist Gifts

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Warning: Cathartic manifestations of childhood trauma next 5 miles

"I knew you'd understand."

Psychiatric Clinic. I'm not sure giving a narcissist an hour a week where it's all about him counts as therapy.

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"You're completely screwed up."

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Computer help.

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."