Comedy Therapist Gifts

'EVERYTHING in moderation?.. Don't you think that's a bit EXTREME?'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"You're completely screwed up."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

Computer help.

'I'm very confused. I never had a father. I was raised by two mummies.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

Woman on psychiatrists couch talking to statue in art museum.

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"