Therapy Humorist Pillows

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"He knows if you've been bad or good, but don't worry. Privacy rules prevent him from discussing individual cases or situations."

"And only you can hear this whistle?"

'In the interest of full disclosure, I should inform you that I define an hour as 40 minutes.'

'I really can't talk about my childhood. Before I left home, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Obsessive compulsive, anxious, paranoid and mildly psychotic... but enough about me, let's talk about you!'

'Your problems are caused by all-or- nothing thinking. It's either that, or you don't have any problems.'

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'

"No cause for alarm Luv, that's my basket sales!"

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."

'Is anal retentive hyphenated?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

Attention Span therapy Center: 'Are we done yet?'

"You're suffering from what we call, Well-Adjusted-Boring-Personality-Disorder."

'I'm sure I paid you in advance, didn't I?'

The Unpublished Freud

'You have a very bad case of transference.'

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"You're stuck again. Your ego is getting in the way of your recovery."

"Well, right now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Nobody understands you!!? Nobody understands you!!...do you blame them!?"

'I'm sick and tired of being kicked around.'

Fairy God Mothers Anonymous - "I've just been too much of a people pleaser."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Turtle to counselor: 'If you don't mind I won't lay on my back.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Maybe you should ask yourself why you're inviting all this duck hunting into your life right now."

'It looks like our time is up.'

"Can you describe this china shop?"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatrist tells patient: 'This is a technical term, and not one I use lightly, but you really are bonkers.'

"I know it's tempting but please don't pigeonhole me."