Therapy Humorists Pillows

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

Cod Psychologists.

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

"You're completely screwed up."

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

'Burke's Peerage keeps spelling my name wrong!'

"I have this relationship with money, it's complicated."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

Roland, the schizophrenic cowboy.

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"How long have I had what problem?"

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"I'm a glass-half-empty and I'm leaking."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Computer help.

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

"My brother is always trying to one-up me. As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he said he had tripolar disorder."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'