Retail Reality Humorist Gifts

"Please scan you items..."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

Seven deadly sins store

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Free Range / Deranged

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

Dying your hair red at home

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

The 29p Shop

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."