Reality Humorist Gifts

Grimm's Reality Tales.

Dying your hair red at home

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Always Compatible

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"Well, hello there, Boo Boo. Where's Daddy?"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."