Reality Humorist Gifts

Grimm's Reality Tales.

Dying your hair red at home

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'Actually, I do mind wearing your pedometer!'

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"Of course you're feeling tired - you're in your sub-prime."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."