Reality Comedians Gifts

A Woman Using a Mirror to Discover Her Weight.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Women do not appreciate power tools as last minute gift ideas."

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

Critics In Love

'You don't hear the bath water running because I'm taking a sponge bath, mom.'

Snake pulls prank posing for photo

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'Is it just me or is a good man really that hard to find?'

"Is there room for me?"

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

'Just look at it! The lot alone is worth an underwater mortgage.'

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

Dying your hair red at home

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"It's from my parents. An invitation to our wedding."

"We don't have any chemistry. It's more like an allergic reaction!"