Reality Comedians Gifts

A Woman Using a Mirror to Discover Her Weight.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

"Women do not appreciate power tools as last minute gift ideas."

Critics In Love

"Is there room for me?"

'You don't hear the bath water running because I'm taking a sponge bath, mom.'

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

'I'm not applauding your lovemaking, I'm trying to turn off the lights.'

Dying your hair red at home

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

'Just look at it! The lot alone is worth an underwater mortgage.'

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

"It's from my parents. An invitation to our wedding."

"Wake up Jeff. You're snoring again!"

"We don't have any chemistry. It's more like an allergic reaction!"