Reel Comedians Gifts

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

"It's going to be huge! Cheese-flavored vodka!"

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"We're looking for someone who'll be available twenty four-seven."

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

'Let's play business. I'll be the chairman of the board and you'll work for me and laugh whenever I tell a joke.'

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

'I preferred my old title of Executive Vice-President.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Your personality test shows you are selfish, mean, and lazy. We'd like to offer you a position in management."

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"We could agree to disagree but then I'd just be preoccupied with you being wrong."

"Put me on the intercom. It's time for the Morning Motivational Roar."