Real Estate Comedians Gifts

'Just look at it! The lot alone is worth an underwater mortgage.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"Efficiency tombs available"

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'Is the fire included?'

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."

"No pressure, but I do have another couple who are very interested."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

Real estate.

'I'm so glad I moved into this basement flat Mary. It's put me on the property ladder and the neighbours are so friendly!'

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Toughing it out in the real estate game.