Realism Humorist Gifts

'Can we dispense with the pep talks? - Stress is what GOT me here!'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Optimist

Grimm's Reality Tales.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'