Realist Humor Lover Gifts

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Where Are They Now?'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

Help! Send fishing tackle!

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"In this series, the artist is in dialogue with her printer."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

Healthy Eating Casualties

Covid-19 Caution

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'I really felt at home there. The food was awful!'

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

"Telephone call for you, it's the Bank Manager."