Laugh-seeking Realist Gifts

Nukes can seriously damage your health: 'New government signs sure add a lot!'

Bad fake tan day.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

No crawling sign in the desert.

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

Cold-calls.

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

Give up.

Eight nights of excuses

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

Ratted!

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Wounds...

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. A recession sounds like fun."

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

"I suffer from accurate self-esteem."

'Can we dispense with the pep talks? - Stress is what GOT me here!'

Meet me safely distanced under the mistletoe.

Credit

What started off as a quiet bath for Stanley suddenly turned awkward...

'Das Kapital' written by Groucho Marx

"I have low expectations for this year."