Laugh-seeking Realist Pillows

Nukes can seriously damage your health: 'New government signs sure add a lot!'

Bad fake tan day.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

No crawling sign in the desert.

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

'I do wish he'd stop showing off in front of his friends.'

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

Cold-calls.

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

Give up.

Eight nights of excuses

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Ratted!

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. A recession sounds like fun."

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

"I suffer from accurate self-esteem."

"I have low expectations for this year."

Meet me safely distanced under the mistletoe.

'Can we dispense with the pep talks? - Stress is what GOT me here!'

Credit

What started off as a quiet bath for Stanley suddenly turned awkward...

'I've kept all my wildest hopes and dreams realistic and easy to achieve.'