Reality Humor Gifts

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Life is for the birds.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

Always Compatible

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Well, hello there, Boo Boo. Where's Daddy?"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!