Retail Reality Humorist Pillows

"Please scan you items..."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

Seven deadly sins store

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

'Yes?'

Great moments in shopping

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Free Range / Deranged

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

The 29p Shop

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

"Did you say 'plummet', Mr. Casey? We don't use that word around here. We say 'downtick'."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Dying your hair red at home

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.