Retail Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Sorry. In the time it took you to get out your credit card the price of smokes went up another 30 cents.'

'Would you put this on hold for me?'

The 29p Shop

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Sale.

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'How much would you take off for cash?'

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

"It must be near New Year's Day...There are Easter eggs in the shop windows!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"How much is the sign?"

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

Seven deadly sins store

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Great moments in shopping

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

'Let me through... I'm a retail therapist.'

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

'It's cheaper to replace the floor every month than to wash it and risk a customer slipping and then suing us.'

"Do you have the time? We need to be home before Christmas shopping season ends."

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

"If you want something firmer, I suggest you try our flooring department."

Fresh milk - Self service

“Ever thought of changing your name?”

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