Market Satirist Gifts

'Hunting and gathering isn't very profitable. Let's invent IPO's.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

Man walking past FOR SALE sign saying 'Houses? Pah! Nobody's buying them anymore'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Spot the difference.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

Parade of Businessmen

Made in China

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Stock market investment advice

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Pin the blame on the donkey.