Trade Satirist Gifts

US farm goods

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Spot the difference.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Parade of Businessmen

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Made in China

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

Stock market investment advice

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

Pin the blame on the donkey.

Fuel bill gone through the roof