Shopfront Satirist Gifts

Sign Reform

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Eye of Newt Helper

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Commodities Exchange. Metals. Tin Items or Less.

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"Butcher!"

Crap Nav

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).