Shopfront Satirist T-Shirts

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"How much did you spend at Macy's this year?

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Undertakers' supermarket.

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

"Butcher!"

Woman walking past Five Guys.