Store Satire Lover Gifts

FOOD, CLOTHING, AND SHELTER, 'These 'big box' stores are getting out of hand.'

Sign Reform

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Arresting Adam and Eve

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

Eye of Newt Helper

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"After years of low level burglaries, Robin Hood started to steal from the rich using a sophisticated Ponzi scheme."

George Washington

Fat Reduction Clinic.

"Isn't that the new guy from Forward Planning?"

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"Okay, we've got a new columnist at the Atlantic this week to broaden our intellectual offerings."

"Not trying, if you ask me."

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Open Carry

Crap Nav

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Conflict: Resolved Continued!!!

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

No Longer Needed

'Some achieve fame. I've achieved a stack of catalogs full of sticky notes.'

Money 'n' Things