Store Satire Lover Pillows

FOOD, CLOTHING, AND SHELTER, 'These 'big box' stores are getting out of hand.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Arresting Adam and Eve

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Eye of Newt Helper

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

Sir Joseph Porter, KCB, First Lord of the Admiralty HMS Pinafore

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Isn't that the new guy from Forward Planning?"

"After years of low level burglaries, Robin Hood started to steal from the rich using a sophisticated Ponzi scheme."

Fat Reduction Clinic.

George Washington

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

"Okay, we've got a new columnist at the Atlantic this week to broaden our intellectual offerings."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Crap Nav

"Not trying, if you ask me."

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Conflict: Resolved Continued!!!

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Open Carry

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"And so my boss decided to take me under his wing, where I proceeded to get sucked into a jet engine."

'Some achieve fame. I've achieved a stack of catalogs full of sticky notes.'

Shelf Isolation