Shopping Satire Fan Pillows

'Customers, Felcher, prefer not being addressed as 'bloated, consumerist parasites.''

Pirates at the mall.

They get into debt so fast these days...

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"How much is the sign?"

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

Eye of Newt Helper

Ms. Bronte has a bad Eyre day.

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

Mail-Order Yard Sale

"Goddam Dogs."