Bookstore Humorist Gifts

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Hard to follow...'

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

'Bront?saurus.'

Book Worm

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

Meet The Ghostwriter

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

Seven deadly sins store

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

'I want something by Anais Nin... but not the naughty Anais Nin!'

Larry's Literary Market.

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"I know it's a foreign book...but I'm reading it with a local accent."

"Personally, there's nothing I like better than to curl up in bed with a bad woman."

"Let's see now; rat's gizzard, bats wings, eye of newt....oh, yes. And cornflakes!"

Great moments in shopping

"Books about unicorns? Fantasy section. Next to the biographies of honest politicians."

Free Range / Deranged

"Instead of BOGOFS, I'm going to implement FUCOFS."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Eat, Pray, Love Hot Dogs

''Have you got any cockroaches?"

In writing War and Peace, Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote, the more elusive it became.