Library Humorist Gifts

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

'What's the point of shelving books, they just check them out again anyway!'

'Sorry I'm overdue but I've been in hospital!'

Quite outside the mobile library

Shooter uses silencer for gunfight in library.

"Personally, there's nothing I like better than to curl up in bed with a bad woman."

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

We've never really had use for a Fashion section

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Smoke and mirrors.

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

Kultural K9's.

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'Hard to follow...'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art though, Romeo? Seriously, wherefore art thou? Shakespeare in the Dark.