Library Humorist Gifts

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

'What's the point of shelving books, they just check them out again anyway!'

'Sorry I'm overdue but I've been in hospital!'

Quite outside the mobile library

"Personally, there's nothing I like better than to curl up in bed with a bad woman."

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

We've never really had use for a Fashion section

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Smoke and mirrors.

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

Kultural K9's.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'Hard to follow...'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Friends, lab rats, country mice, lend me your ears...'

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

Medical Books - Lady Chatterley's Liver