Librarian Humorist Gifts

'I don't want to ruin it for you, but the ending is pretty obvious.'

Prison Librarian

Fusion Lab. Did you tell the boss we need more hydrogen? Yes, I told him we were out of our element.

Do it yourself books.

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Smoke and mirrors.

'Hard to follow...'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

'Bront?saurus.'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

Happy Bifurcation Day,

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Book Worm

"Did I miss a lot of work while I was out with the flu? No, I didn't miss it at all!"

Bacterial Cultural Center

'Dude, that big creepy eye is back.'

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

DNA Xmas.

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

You inserted donkey DNA into an insect? I made a braying mantis!

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

N't. Dear, we're commas. Get down here before you get hurt.

Bacterial Culture

Meet The Ghostwriter

Building Books.

"Whoa, whoa – for all I know you contaminated the sample."

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Ape Lab. Really?! Those guys are going to test our intelligence?! They want to see if we'll use a ladder to get the banana. They say they're testing our problem-solving ability. Hey, Frank, we can't do the experiment today ... The ladder won't fit through the doorway!

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'