Store Manager Humorist Gifts

"Oh. The store is closed?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Self-Checkout.

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Brick and Mortar

The Pied Piper in a computer shop.