Humor Manager Gifts

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Job complaints on road signs.

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

'After sleeping on it, I've decided not to allow power naps.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

Think Small.

"Was delegation the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do provide a very attractive escape hatch."

Christmas Group Therapy.

Micromanage / Nanomanage

Regional manager Dan Blunquist introduces a disgruntled employee to his new open-door policy.

'And the largest slice is mine.'

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

"Mumford! I thought you were killed instantly."

'I hate this constant atmosphere of always worrying about meeting a deadline.'