Humor Manager Gifts

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

Above reproach.

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Job complaints on road signs.

'I know it's a lot of money but we can't avoid it any longer.'

'Nothing has come to my attention today and I want to know why.'

'After sleeping on it, I've decided not to allow power naps.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"I'm a big believer in micromanagement."

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"Was delegation the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"We can't offer you a golden parachute, however we do provide a very attractive escape hatch."

Think Small.

Christmas Group Therapy.

Micromanage / Nanomanage

"See these? Never touched a keyboard."

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'There's been another management shake-up. The former global sales manager is now head of Europe, and the old head of engineering is now head of purchasing.'

"Oh. The store is closed?"

"We're going to cut out the expensive, boring stiff and just build the top."

'I hate this constant atmosphere of always worrying about meeting a deadline.'